New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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