I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
