she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize