She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
