Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
