my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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