All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
