i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
