He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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