theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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