why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
