they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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