So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
