Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
