i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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