uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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