Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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