I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
