Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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