maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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