Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
