At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
