That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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