but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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