tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize