how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
