I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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