it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
