My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
