You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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