Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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