Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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