Ambien. No doubt about it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
