I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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