can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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