So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
