It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
