So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Two words: nipple clamps
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