i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
