Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
