The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
did i just pee glitter
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize