If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
