I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Randomize
