You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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