I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
