i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
