Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh god it's open bar.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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