the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
