your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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