Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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