ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize