Define "chronic" masturbator.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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