Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
