I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
