So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
