and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
