HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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