im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
