im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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