also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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