I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
