i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
