so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
