Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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