Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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